Think where I am at and then imagine where I want to be. Hold those two ideas in my head and then let my mind work in the back ground of sorts. Like an elastic rubber band…something like that.
A few years ago I realized that my life had become one dimensional. I knew where I had been, my life was planned out for me and even though life was unpredictable, eternity wasn’t. I was a mom and a wife. I held church callings. I didn’t know what I wanted. I did what I was supposed to. I left my dreams behind for a better dream of creating a home that would be a haven for my children. I remember thinking when I was a teenager that once I got married and became a mom that my life would not be mine any more. I would give everything over to my family.
Maybe that was ok when I believed this life was nothing more than a test for the next life. I don’t believe that any more. I am not saying that there is no after life. I don’t know. I tend to believe there might be something but I think it is important to live true and fully.
It isn’t fare to my children to give up mine for theirs. Don’t get me wrong I believe in sacrifice and I hope I am always there for my children and give them what they need. They need to know that they can live their lives as they see fit, not for me. As far as we know we have one chance at life.
Back when I had no hobbies and my life was all everyone else’s I felt hollow and empty. Something has happened over the last several years that has made me realize that I want to take my life and live it fully. When I was barely living I kept that reality in my mind and then I consciously envisioned myself living life fully not really knowing what that meant. It’s not like I saw something specific. And that’s what this is all about me feeling my way through life and finding a way to live.
Fully.
What ever that may look like.
I was lokiong everywhere and this popped up like nothing!